I was walking with my dog, as I do every morning, when I realized how concerned I was that I would have to pay more income tax than I had expected this year. My income had unexpectedly increased near the end of last year, and I had not planned for this in my quarterly withholding. I had actually postponed figuring my taxes until the very last moment because I resisted the idea of having to write a check that would reduce my savings to a point that would cause me to feel financially unsafe.
It occurred to me that my fear around having what seemed like disproportionately high taxes fueled a conscious and more often an unconscious secondary fear of earning too much money. As I reflected on my past behaviors, I became aware that instead of being pleased with a financially strong month, I would hold my breath and think that maybe my next month would be smaller, to even out the income over the year. This thought actually had the power to produce what I had quietly wished for, which was to not make “too much” money by making unconscious choices that had the effect of limiting my income.
As soon as I realized what I was creating, I decided to joyfully complete my tax returns and write what for me was a large check with gratefulness, first for having the money to write the check and secondly for having earned enough that required me to write it. I felt a deep sense of relaxation and pleasure in letting go of an old fearful limitation as I wrote the numbers and signed my name. I opened myself to create what I truly want in this arena, which is freedom to make the choices in my life that are in my highest and best, with or without what seems like an adequate monetary safety net. A far more reliable safety net is the one created by trusting Spirit within me. Whenever I have made a decision that lovingly supports my experience of the unfolding of my life, whatever I needed has come to me, sometimes in what has felt like miraculous ways.
Before leaving for China , 15 years ago, I felt a profound inner urging to schedule a number of Ayurvedic cleansing treatments with a new young Indian doctor, Verinder Sodhi, who had just opened his offices 5 minutes from my home. There was no question that he was a gifted healer. I felt I needed his work, which would strengthen my body to withstand what I was sure to experience in China . Dr. Sodhi told me how many sessions he felt I must have and what the cost would be, an amount that I simply did not have. But I told him to schedule the first of the series of appointments and I would find the way to pay for them. When I arrived home, there was a call on my answering machine from a friend who wondered if I would be willing to sell a few items of furniture before I left for China and the amount he offered was exactly the amount of the full series of treatments. I both cried in joy for the answered heart-prayer and thanked God for such profound and immediate support.
More recently, I decided I needed to buy a new car because the one I had been driving for 9 years needed more work on it to remain functional and it was getting only 14 miles a gallon on a good day. I took in a deep breath and wrote out a check for a down payment on a car that on its worst day would get twice the mileage. As I wrote out the check, I thought that I could easily earn back the amount of that check and be just fine. Within the next few days, my appointments nearly doubled and by the end of the month’s time, I had earned not only my normal monthly income, but also the full amount of that check.
Just writing this has brought back so many times that I made choices to attend conferences, to participate in trainings, to do so many things that I knew would enhance my life and growth when fear would have caused me to say no. And I can see how I was supported in so many unexpected ways.
So, I celebrate this tax day and the check that will go in with my tax return papers this year. And I know I can earn that back many times over this coming year, After all, the better the IRS does with me, is directly related to how much better I do, as well.
What a wonderful thought that you and I can benefit from the release of the limiting thoughts that no longer serve our highest and best. Life is good!